


Between God's Hands (The I’ve always loved you Remix)

by navaan



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Captain America/Iron Man Relay Remix 2017, Captain America: Steve Rogers (2016), Civil War II: The Oath, Comatose Tony Stark, Complicated Relationships, Dreams, Dreamsharing, Hopeful Ending, Hurt Tony Stark, Hydra Steve Rogers, M/M, Marvel 616/MCU Crossover, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Multiverse, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Remix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-22
Updated: 2017-02-22
Packaged: 2018-09-26 03:40:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9860810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/navaan/pseuds/navaan
Summary: Two worlds. Two Steves. Two Tonys. And all the tragic parallels and differences that lead them to Tony's motionless body being all that's on Steve's mind.Or: MCU!Steve let that fight with Tony get too far and it had consequences and 616!Steve has his own agenda when it comes to a man who might never wake up.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Penance](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9634751) by [dapperanachronism](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dapperanachronism/pseuds/dapperanachronism). 



Tony's face flickered through the news and people gathered in front of Stark Tower to leave flowers. The details of what exactly had happened to cause the injury that put him in a coma had not been disclosed, but the media had released footage of him being dragged from a Stark Quinjet in his banged up armor and the world had witnessed Avenger fighting Avenger just before. Speculation was running wild. The Winter Soldier was high on the list of suspects. 

Steve couldn't look at it, but he couldn't turn away either.

He knew all of his friends were watching him carefully since the news had hit. 

One moment Tony had been awake and hissing insults at him and then...

“I can contact Natasha,” Sam sad quietly and T'Challa offered to go to New York himself. He and Tony had fought on the same side after all. Nobody would bat an eyelash if he would take a medical team and offer Wakandan support. 

Bucky had decided to let himself be put in stasis again until a way had been found to reliably break his programming.

Steve hated it.

Every time he thought of his face going slack, freezing behind glass, he saw Tony, his face growing slack when the breastplate could not withstand the vibranium shield any longer. He had wanted Tony to stop, desperately, angrily, but nothing could have been worse than seeing all fight go out of him.

He hunched over, his face hidden in his hands. He couldn't cry. But he already knew he would not be able to go on living with the guilt of having killed Tony Stark. 

Instead of letting anyone go or make contact he went himself, stupidly thinking he needed to help, to offer support to a man who couldn't hear him.

Rhodes never let him get that far. He hadn't even gotten close, before the fist of War Machine crashed into his jaw and the mask lifted to let him see the anger underneath. He welcomed it, recognized it from the fight Tony had given him.

“I'm his friend, you asshole,” Rhodes hissed. “If you think I'll let you go in there, think again.”

 _So was I_ , Steve thought and it did more to knock the air from his lungs than the punch. The bruises Rhodes gave him would heal. He could take them. The guilt... The guilt would never go away though. Not if Tony never woke up. Not if he had killed him.

Natasha helped him get away. “Think,” she said. “You can't do this, Steve. You're not helping him by being reckless.”

He had nothing to say to that. He had _helped_ Tony to get to this place and while Natasha could come and go as she pleased he couldn't even go and see him. Of course, he deserved that. He knew.

“He is stable.”

“But not awake?”

“Stable,” she repeated. “There is a chance at least.”

Between the lines he could hear the truth. Only time would tell if Tony ever woke up again.

And he had done this to him. With his own hands.

Steve didn't think he could live with that.

* * *

_There is no Rhodey to keep Steve from entering the room where for now Tony slumbers, his body hanging in the balance somewhere between life an death. If Rhodes were still alive, he wouldn't even have reason to try and stop him. Steve is Tony's friend. This time they even fought on the same side. Right?_

_Perhaps he would have tried and stop Carol and it would have all become dramatic and even more painful. Steve sees her leaving right before Steve arrives. Danvers holds her head high and Steve has a feeling that the guilt over Tony's condition will only make her fight harder for her views of a safer world. She has maneuvered herself into a corner and now there is no way back, because anything else will be giving up. And then Tony would have been hurt for nothing and Rhodes death wouldn't mean anything. She and Tony, they share so many character traits. They always had a special bond, those two._

_He walks up to the slab Tony is lying on and he looks pale, but so at peace. It's all wrong._

_He never really liked seeing all fight go out of his frame. Tony was at the most like Tony when he was struggling with something._

_“How is he?” he asks Beast._

_“Not dead,” Hank says grimly. “And there is not much more I can tell you. He's stable and his body is alive and as far as I can tell it's not going to die any time soon.”_

__Oh, Stark,_ Steve thinks and grits his teeth, _what did you do to yourself this time?__

_“Will he heal? Wake up?”_

_“I have no idea, Steve. I've never seen anything like this before. This must have gone on for years and... Well, the only person we could ask is not going to answer our questions anymore.”_

_He knows Tony. He wouldn't have answered them if he were awake either. Experimenting on himself is not even new for him._

_“I can give you a moment,” Beast offers and his fur looks ruffled suddenly, like he is agitated._

_“Yes,” Steve says thickly and realizes he needs it. When he is sure Hank is gone, he touches Tony's cold cheek. He doesn't look dead. He doesn't feel alive. It's eerie. The truly remarkable thing is how everyone lets Steve deal with what they think is his grief, how nobody suspects that truly Steve is the one who put Tony here. It was Carol's blows and Tony's unwillingness to give up that culminated in this, but Steve has orchestrated it. He's been pulling strings, has called Tony paranoid even to make him _stop_ looking in the right places and fight Carol harder._

_He strokes the cold cheek._

_There is no remorse, although his plans for Tony had been different._

_“I had so many things I wanted you to see. Wanted to tell you. This shouldn't have happened,” he whispers. It's not an apology. This is greater than the two of them. No, there really is no remorse, only a pang of regret._

_Only time will tell if Tony ever wakes up again._

_And he has done this to him._

_Steve thinks he can live with that._ He _wouldn't have been so lucky._

* * *

Every time he fell asleep, he longed for oblivion. Instead he dreamed of Tony.

“What are doing here, Steve? What do you even want from me?”

“I want you to wake up, Tony,” he said. “I need you to wake up.”

“Sorry, Rogers,” Tony said in a scathing voice and narrowed his eyes, “I'm not staying like this to make you feel bad.” Then he vanished, as if he dissolved.

Steve tried to grab for him and grabbed at nothing, suddenly was wide awake.

Tony was gone.

He pulled himself out of bed.

He wanted to see Tony.

* * *

_Every time he falls asleep, he longs for the future to come sooner._

_“What is this, Steve? Why are you showing it to me?”_

_“You're not here, Tony,” he says. “You're lying in a high-tech coffin.”_

_“I'm aware,” Tony mumbles and walks over, looks over his shoulder at the Empire that stretches out before him, the flags all baring the mark of Hydra. Steve's satisfied. This is all he wants. “Is that what you wanted me to see?”_

_He wakes up, startled, half remembering. There have been many dreams of Tony. Always. Some of them not really his - but _his_. He never remembers them clearly, not since he's come back to himself. But sometimes he thinks the other Steve is there. In the dreams. When he is closer to death. Like Tony._

_He stares at his outstretched hand._

_This remains his greatest regret. He still wants Tony to see him build this world on the ruins of what Tony and the other heroes think they have built over the years. He wants Tony to be here to see it. He would have kept him alive and made him see._

* * *

He made sure nobody saw him as he carefully let himself into Tony's hospital room. Agents and security staff had closed off the whole wing and he knew that at the moment all of them would love to get their hands on Captain America.

“Hi,” he whispered, as he stepped closer. Tony's face was ashen and there were dark circles beneath his closed eyes. An ugly bruise marred the side of his face. He carefully touched his brow. “Sorry,” he said into the silence. “I should have come sooner. To apologize. I'm sorry. I didn't want any of this to happen.”

The machines that were keeping Tony alive beeped and the sound was loud in absence of Tony's constant barrage of words. He missed it. The non-silence. Even the arguments.

“I know now that I was trying to spare myself, when I didn't tell you. I didn't want you to know, because I didn't want you to look at me like you _did_ look at me when you found out. Bucky... He really... It wasn't him. He's sleeping too now, you know?”

Tony slept on.

“I really need you to wake up,” he whispered, “please.”

To spare me, he thought. Maybe it was selfish.

“I'm hoping... _praying_ – that you can somehow hear me and this pulls you out of your sleep. But I _need_ you.” He can't say I _love_ you, because who does something like this when they love? He felt like a traitor, a thief, a murderer, Cain, as he bent over to press a kiss against Tony's brow. “Wake up.”

Nothing happened and he hadn't expected it would. Real life rarely was that neat.

One final time he squeezed Tony's hand and as carefully and quietly as he had come, he opened the door and stepped back out into the hallway.

* * *

_Nobody even questions him, when he takes over SHIELD and his first order of business is to make sure that “Iron Man's body” is stored securely. Nobody asks questions, when the new head of shield wants something. He's Cap. They trust him._

_It's so easy._

_He finally has Tony in a room without cameras. That is something he's been careful about. Only here is he going to speak his truth. Not like Tony, who cried over his lifeless bloodied body where cameras were running, leaving the evidence of his grief behind for Steve to see years later. No, he's more careful than that._

_Because even though Tony is lying there dead to the world, Steve has something to say. A lot to say. He would have preferred him to be awake for this. Alive._

__He _had feelings for Tony, complicated and soft._

_Now, he will forever miss the opportunity to see the understanding, the sudden betrayal in his eyes. He still loves the arguments and he has hoped to keep Tony alive, make him see all of it. Rage against it._

_A reminder._

_A trophy perhaps._

_“He loved you,” he says and: “He loved you, and admired you. Even when you fought.”_

_Tony doesn't stir even now. So he doesn't stop, tells him all that has been bottled up inside of him: “I'm angry that you're not here for this. In fact, I'm hoping..._ praying _– that you can somehow hear me and this pulls you out of your sleep.” It's regret he tells himself, pure and simple. Nothing else. Not love. Certainly not love. That was all_ his _. “Because I want you to see this, Tony. More than anything – I_ need _you to see what I do next.”_

_He lays it out. The world risen from the ashes. The better world only he has seen._

_“So, please – I'm begging you – wake up now. Come and try to stop me.” It's a futile hope. He has seen it. And it's perhaps better Tony isn't going to be there when it all happens, but he wants him there anyway._

_Tony doesn't stir and it feels like he would have if he could. But he can't. He won't wake._

_Before he goes he allows himself a weakness and looks at Tony through the glass. He looks peaceful and dead and Steve wants his eyes to open, to finally see him for who he really is. Conflicted, betrayed and maybe not able to look at Captain America with anything but awe anyway. Nothing happens. He bends down and presses his lips against the glass. A final farewell of the Steve he never wants to be again._

_He will make a better world._

_And then maybe he'll join Tony there to fight him again in the afterlife._

_It will be worth it._

_He leaves Tony's empty body behind_

* * *

“What are you doing here, Steve?” Tony asked. He was dressed in that silvery gray suit this time. Steve had always liked that suit.

“Are you going to wake up?”

“Don't you think I've tried?”

He stared. That was something he hadn't even really thought about. Then he realized something else was off. “Am I dying?”

“Are you?” Tony asked and his voice was scathing but he had that unblinking deep stare that said he was worried.

“Why are you worried?” Steve asked and even in the dream, the dizziness that came with realization and welling emotions made him nearly falter. He reached for Tony and half expected him to vanish.

“He cares, you idiot,” another voice said and that was also different. In these dreams they'd always been alone. He whirled around or maybe he didn't and the dream just changed around him, but on the other side of him there stood another Tony, clad in a skin tight suit that looked like an even sleeker version of what Tony usually wore under the armor.

“You got the idiot part right,” Tony said and Steve helplessly looked from one to the other.

“I know.” 

“Who...?”

“Someone who experiments on himself is not getting a vote,” another new person said in something that was very close to his own voice.

When he turned to see a broad shouldered slightly older version of himself he thought that this was the weirdest dream. “I am dying,” he realized.

“Nah,” and it was _his_ Tony who spoke, “Nat is not giving you that chance. You're just pretty banged up. And don't ask me how I know that. You are going to wake up.”

“But you aren't...” It hurt. “And it's my fault.”

“I was there too, you know. And I was lashing out. It could have been the other way around. Would have been just like my life if it had.”

The Tony at his side made a distressed sound.

“I was hitting you with a shield, too,” the man who looked like him reminded the distressed Tony and he looked incredibly sad. “Remember.”

“What is going on here...?”

“We're stuck.” Tony shrugged, like this was an everyday problem. “It's all a dream.”

“I don't know,” the other Tony said and looked at the other Steve with sad and incredible blue eyes. “I think I could wake up if I wanted to.”

And Tony grimaced a bit, and so did the other Steve. 

The space around them changed again. It had been a white plane of nothing and suddenly it was a room, a room without clear edges, the other Steve hunched down, sitting on the floor, his back against a wall. The other Tony was beside him and wrapped his arms around him. “I won't wake up before we both do,” he said.

“He won't let me wake up.” The Steve sounded distressed. “I'm not sure I can go back. He's not me...”

Steve stared. They looked... close. Like the embrace had happened countless times before. When he looked at his own Tony he licked his lips.

“Don't say anything stupid, Capsicle,” Tony said. “You make me so angry.”

“You drive me up the wall, make me go too far,” Steve nearly shouts. “But I want you to wake up, you idiot.”

“So you can fell better about this?”

Steve's arms were around him in a dreamlike continuity of now and always. “Wake up please? I miss you.”

Tony stiffened, held still. Then he looked at the other Tony without freeing himself: “Things will never ever be not complicated, won't they?” 

“Not where the two of us are concerned.”

Steve looked over too, unwilling to relinquish his hold on Tony, before he could slip away and vanish again. The Steve sitting there looked at both of them: “Wake up. I think it's time.”

“And the two of you?”

“Not our time yet,” the Tony said and grinned. “We won't be alone.”

“We'll wake up when we're ready. Both of us,” the Steve promised.

He looked sad, but that was the last thing Steve saw of them. Suddenly there was only Tony. “Wake up then Cap,” he said. “Try not to hurt yourself again. You take too many risks.”

“Pot and kettle,” he whispered and felt himself waking, noticed the walls of the dream falling away, the texture. Sounds. Beeping. Voices. Natasha's voice.

“He's coming back to us,” she shouted. His head was pounding and his lower stomach region hurt like he'd taken a hit. The pain was pulling him back to consciousness.

He wanted to wake up. He wanted to wake up and go see Tony again. 

“Will I see you?” he asked and the last figments of the dream were dissolving.

“I think so,” he heard Tony whisper, when Sam and Nat were already leaning over him, the only thing visible. And he came fully awake all at once.

“Welcome back, Cap,” Sam said. “You have to stop trying to kill yourself by taking too many risks.”

For the first time in weeks, he smiled, realizing Sam and Natasha were staring, taken aback.

He knew Tony would wake up.

Finally.

He was ready.

“I need to go to New York,” he sad immediately.

“Again?” Sam rolled his eyes. “It's not like...”

But a communicator made a noise and Natasha looked at it to see who was trying to reach her, saw a message displayed there and her head snapped up. “Tony... He's waking up.”

Steve grinned widely, couldn't contain it, too happy that all of this was happening. “Let's go!” he whispered and came to his feet.

Vaguely he remembered the other two.

He hoped they could find their way out of the darkness too.

But Tony was all that mattered right now.


End file.
